I was raised in a harsh world. We had little. We bathed using a water hose and lived in a bus. The greatest joys I had as a child were catching tadpoles and playing with my army men. The heat of south Florida made everything move slow. I moved like a sloth but somehow? The damn tadpoles could out swim my attempts to catch them. My days were filled with “what-ifs” and dreams of being rescued. I always knew that things could be better.
I wasn't allowed friends and we moved every few months. I never truly had what most feel is family. I was abandoned a few times and have severed all ties over the years. It's far easier to be on my own than to deal with the Drama associated with folks who are just unhealthy. Most folks don't know that I actually have 2 children. Yes, one is not biologically mine but in my heart, she will always be. I do not speak to her at all as she has done nothing but cause severe amounts of drama & is dishonest about what really happened. I have had to sever ties with many people in my old life. They turned out not to be friends. I can love them with all my heart but also be willing to let them go. I simply do not want any more pain in my life.
Over the years, I have gotten really good at saying goodbye. I have no hard feelings, just clear boundaries that if crossed? That's the end. Goodbye. Take care. I am out. I don't turn back. I don't hurt. I am simply done. Some folks say that I shut down as a survival mechanism from all the trauma I have experienced. Maybe. I just know that if I am not in a healthy relationship, I need to go. I have attempted to stay in unhealthy relationships in the past and it turned out to be disastrous. My marriage was the most traumatic of all.
I don't think it's unhealthy to stand your ground and know what you want for your life. I think it's commendable to be authentic and real with your needs. I wish I had understood that many years earlier as I think my life would have been different.
Or would it?
I can't say that choosing to have healthier people in your life doesn't hurt. It does and sometimes often. I can say that you will spend a lot of time wishing things were different because love will always remain a huge part of what holds you tethered to that person. However, if you want to be healthy, you have to choose healthily.
And there are times that even the ones you deeply love need to go. Like all bad habits, we need to adjust and shift. As I grow into a healthier person, authentically myself, I have found that I need even less then I thought. It is freeing to know that what does not serve a higher, healthier purpose is no longer needed.
There you have it, folks. Here is another way to lose your baggage. Let go of the handles and walk away. DONT TURN BACK. There is nothing there but heaviness. Unhappiness. The scabs will heal. The wounds will not reopen.
You have full permission to take care of yourself. To take charge of your life. You and only YOU can make the changes needed to feel good. To be happy. To feel ALIVE.
So? Get GOOD at saying Goodbye to all that is not serving your highest GOOD.
Until next time……………..
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I write pieces of my 43-years journey circling this planet. Some are past and some present. The time is not relevant.
It’s the story of healing, hope, transformation, and my overall determination not to give up.
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Living & Thriving with Rustie
2828 S Mccall Rd
32–4
Englewood, FL 34224
