I woke up a little irritable. We are in a tough spot and waiting for answers. Maybe, I'll wait for a prince on a white horse to rescue us? I can't help but hope that there is something that I missed and a miracle will appear. I work hard and am my worst enemy. I have a difficult time getting out of my own way. I have little faith in people but a huge amount of faith in my spirituality.
The Universe is always on Time.
I signed up for a new certification course in Solar Power. 1 hour later, the Doctors office calls with the results of my last exam. They won't tell me over the phone, so I have to drive over an hour north to find out what I already knew. What I always know. Out of my 43 years on this planet? I have had more “abnormal” paps then I have had normal. Its the cost that I have to pay because RAPE is cruel. RAPE stays with you no matter how far you shove the memory down. RAPE is the only reason why I am Pro-Choice. I know what it's like to live with RAPE. I will have HPV for the rest of my life because of this fellas desire to hurt women. 80% of sexually active folks carry HPV. It's very common and can be deadly if not carefully watched.
Well? I was 14 so not so “women” but “women-ish”. The trigger for me is being under a high amount of stress. This triggers my Auto-Immune to stress and since I already have an Auto-Immune Dis-Ease, stress stresses my A.I. out. To a point that ANYTHING can break. If there is a cold in China and I am stressed? I'll catch it. (not really, just being snarky)
I hit the grocery store to buy as many veggies as I can as I love my veggies grilled and spicey. I feel in peace when I cook. I feel like I am doing something positive for us. Healing our insides with good, healthy yumminess.
I am very worried about a lot of things and mostly its money. I am worried about my bills, worried that I will not meet my savings goal to buy a house, worried that I shouldn't bother to buy here anyway. Maybe that would be a mistake. Worry, worry, and more worry. I know that worry will get me nowhere but due to my history, worry is my safety net. I know it sounds weird but that's how PTSD works.
Now? ON to healing…..
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I write pieces of my 43-years journey circling this planet. Some are past and some present. The time is not relevant. It’s the story of healing, hope, transformation, and my overall determination not to give up.
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Write to me as I would love to hear from you:
Living & Thriving with Rustie
2828 S Mccall Rd
32–4
Englewood, FL 34224
